Funeral Services
Of
The Atlanta BravesAll are
elcome.
The funeral
march ill begin near the
hite House by General Sherman's monument and parade its
ay down Pennsylvania Avenue...
To the Ulysses S. Grant Memorial....
Before making its
ay to
ashington's newest cathedral, AKA, Nationals Park.
As mourners enter the premises they
ill be personally greeted by handshake expert, the Refuse to Lose kid,
sportsfan882.
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Presiding over the last rites
ill be no less a dignitary than General
illiam Tecumseh Sherman.
The musical selection
ill be performed by none other than Belle
atling.
Scripture reading by Captain Rhett Butler.
Eulogy
ill be delivered by Foghorn Leghorn.
Benediction brought to you by Jimmy Carter.
Taps
ill be performed as the casket is laid to rest.
Taps
ill feature a special performance by ghostwriter of
The Unwritten Rules of Baseball and
What To Do When Opponents Are Owning You, none other than former brave and one time favorite son of dixie but later revealed to be nothing more than a covert yankee sympathizer, Brian "
Scalawag" McCann.
The pallbearers, Screech and the Presidents
ill be full emotion carrying this burden to its resting place.
The casket
ill be deposited at home plate. The Nationals brass has already dug the hole.
They
ill also take turns covering the grave
ith dirt.
Jayson
erth and the rest of the Nationals
ill see to it that they stomp the ground over it to ensure it is nice and flat as the location
ill be needed for upcoming home playoff games.
Braves' fans have recently insisted that opponent teams and fans must "respect the A". The Nationals fanbase has a message for you. Kiss our freaking asses because you just got.....
Stay tuned for lineups...
