Comrades, with a win today (or a Braves loss), the Washington Nationals will clinch the NL East. Gone are the days of Tim Redding being considered the "ace" of the staff. Gone are the days of NOOK and his journey to hit a home run. Gone are the days of Ryan Zimmerman putting the team on his back (at least, most of the time), and gone are the days 2009 Washington Nationals. Today is a new day. All those years of suffering just might culminate when we clinch the National League East and the champaign will be spewing. However, that begs the question: What will we do with BRYCE HARPER once the champaign is unleashed? Considering he is a Mormon and underage, this poses the biggest dilemma in the HISTORY of the Washington Nationals.
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However, Comrades, we will not be going into this battle alone. We have a man on our side who doesn't know what defeat feels and/or tastes like. We have a man who had led the MOTHERLAND since 1999. We have a man on our side who does not accept defeat, and a man who likes to feed baby elk milk. That man, is VLADIMIR PUTIN
Today, we unleash PUTIN POWER one last time in the regular season. And I know what you're thinking: How can we trust PUTIN to be on our side? Isn't he regarded as a below average human being by the western media? I know you have your concerns, but he has helped us before and we all must trust in him today if he is to deliver us to victory. And just in case you need some reinsurance that he is on our side, he knows what our magic number is.
ONE~!
Our time has come, Comrades.
