If you don't take it to extremes, you can trade cash or a salary dump for picks, offer the free agent arbitration, he walks, you get two picks. I know your post was a joke but this is a new strategy this offseason.
And, also, it sets up a lightning/bottle type of season, especially if they can pull off a deal for Greinke and get Dunn back. Then you reduce the variables needed to make it one of those random seasons.
If Zimnn keeps improving, if Desmond/Espiniza keeps in proving, if Wang gets healthy, well that's better than the 12 things we needed to have happen. Still unlikely, but at least plausible.