I'd say let's get an OG Nats guy like John Patterson or Nick Johnson to throw out the first pitch but they'd get hurt walking to the mound.
If you want to be full 2008, it ends with a statement before first pitch along lines of "John Patterson was expected to get tonight's first pitch, but was unexpectedly cut from the roster while warming up in the tunnel. The Nationals have signed a local janitor who pitched in high school to take his place."