Damn, you had me till the pound of cheese part. Cheese is one of the most overrated foods on the planet, when the main objective is more, more, more of it. Extra cheese on a pizza? 
Maybe cut the cheese 
by substituting 3/4 lb of ground buffalo meat.
godless commie bastard. you probably support terrorism. shame on you. just keep whatever freaked up beliefs you have about whipped cream to yourself.
