If you can dish it out, you should be able to take it and not flip out when you get brushed back.
I've got no problem with that concept. If he gets hit and charges the mound the pitcher who hit him or brushed him back should be able to handle business. Otherwise don't retaliate. Pelfry was clearly ready to nag up after he threw the pitch. If you aren't willing to stand up and settle the matter then you should not be throwing at batters.
