Author Topic: Senators2005 Adopted Son & Photography Site (Read 3527 times)

tomterp · « **Reply #25:** December 15, 2007, 10:17:03 PM »

Ridiculous. If they only knew.

kimnat · « **Reply #26:** December 15, 2007, 10:24:02 PM »

Hey Sens! I just read your postings! If you need any letters from us, please let us know. I bet everyone would be willing to write to them to plead your and your wife's case! At any rate, our abundant prayers are truly with you!

2IPAs · « **Reply #27:** December 16, 2007, 01:38:16 PM »

No good deed goes unpunished, right?

Hope this unfortunate situation is resolved in your favor soon, Sens.

Senators2005 · « **Reply #28:** December 21, 2007, 12:38:03 AM »

Well it appears we will not be celebrating much of a merry Christmas this year. We were supposed to recieve word today about our little boy and our adoption officer has failed to contact us despite numorous emails. My wife was able to phone the Inter Country Adoption Board and get in contact with the social worker assigned to our case. She was not allowed to say specifically but in so many words we know now that we have lost our son.

My wife and I can't describe into words how devastating this is to both of us. We have to now somehow concentrate on the child we DO have and pray for his/her health and well being. She is due to deliver sometime in June...and there's nobody who can stop that with a simple vote on "protocol".

I only ask for our friends to pray for us in this time of great pain and dispair.

-Senators2005

Ali the Baseball Cat · « **Reply #29:** December 21, 2007, 01:28:29 AM »

Man, that blows.

Senators2005 · « **Reply #30:** December 21, 2007, 03:41:56 AM »

This is a copy of the email we recieved last night after finally getting word from our adoptions officer:

Quote

I'm sorry that I do not have your phone number at my home. I don't like sharing disappointment news by e-mail.

My heart cries for you. The ICAB made a majority vote to withdraw the referral. I was told that the Board recognizes the "nurturing time" that a child needs and whereas you will have a child in June, it will "not be easy for you" to provide for both children. I spoke with _____, I told her in very clear terms that the ICAB does not know you for you would have no difficulty in providing for both children. I said that you were not a young 20-year-old couple who was going to have baby sitters so you could go out to party. Instead that you had 4 months of leave time from work to provide for the adjustment for you and the children. You want to parent and that is your priority.

I was told that this is a "very risky" case for the child. Based on what I am not sure.

I was told that the Board researched its policy stating that if there is a referral and if a pregnancy occurs, the case is to be withdrawn. I asked for a copy of that policy for I do not have a copy in print. I said that agencies will likely withhold such information from the ICAB when this case is known. Actually, I should have withheld that statement, but I was so disappointed... and angry... I spoke before I thought of how far reaching my words could be for ____ said that she would share that with the board.

I was told that should you lose your pregnancy, you would be considered in the "priority" category for another referral. My response was that the ICAB does not understand the issue of loss that that you are facing. I added that they in essence that they by choice are putting you though another loss which is equal to yet another death of a child. I said that the board didn't seem to understand that they could not simply substitute one child for another were you to lose both children.

I said that I had never been so disappointed in the ICAB in 25+ years of work as I was at this time.

When ____ told me that you had called their office for a decision and that she had not told you, I was livid. Yet she timidly shared the news with me. I replied that that action was very unprofessional. Here I am in a position to give terrible news with nothing in writing to give a full explanation. I stated that I expected a written response to this matter ASAP. You deserved no less.

I know I said too much and my tone of voice was not too good. I did tell ____ that there is a great discussion going on with yahoo adoptive parents support groups and such cases as this are likely to be shared. I really should not have said that either, and it actually served no point in blasting the ICAB to the world for that is what happens with such e-mails. I guess I've really set myself up for ridicule by not simply have taken the news as it is and shut my month. I guess they have the option of pulling my accreditation if they wish. Please keep that in mind as you tell your story... if you do so on the internet.

I don't know what more to say. I would like to suggest that an appeal be filed to the ICAB decision. Yet it seems that the ICAB is the last authority in adoptive placement cases. I'm not sure this an appeal policy with such cases.

The bottom line is that blasting the ICAB is not going to make a bad situation any better. Before making any other statements or suggestions, I think I need to calm down and get some rest.

I will be available to speak with you after 10 AM tomorrow if you wish to call on my cell phone. I may have to call you back if I'm not readily available.

I feel so sorry for you. I wish I could do more, but I really don't know what that would be.

NatsAddict · « **Reply #31:** December 21, 2007, 06:30:59 AM »

Quote from: Senators2005 on December 21, 2007, 12:38:03 AM

Well it appears we will not be celebrating much of a merry Christmas this year. We were supposed to recieve word today about our little boy and our adoption officer has failed to contact us despite numorous emails. My wife was able to phone the Inter Country Adoption Board and get in contact with the social worker assigned to our case. She was not allowed to say specifically but in so many words we know now that we have lost our son.

My wife and I can't describe into words how devastating this is to both of us. We have to now somehow concentrate on the child we DO have and pray for his/her health and well being. She is due to deliver sometime in June...and there's nobody who can stop that with a simple vote on "protocol".

I only ask for our friends to pray for us in this time of great pain and dispair.

-Senators2005

Sens, I'm speechless. I have no words to express my sorrow. You'll be in our prayers, as will be the hope that this is not over.

My CCF sponsored child is in the Philippines. I'll call them and see if they have any representatives there that may have any connections/recommendations.

tomterp · « **Reply #32:** December 21, 2007, 08:16:56 AM »

Awful.

natsfan1a · « **Reply #33:** December 21, 2007, 08:28:40 AM »

That is awful! They seem to be totally clueless. I'm dismayed not only at the loss to you and to the adoptive child, but at the way that the communication was handled, or mishandled (except for the case worker -- BTW, it might be a good idea to blank out the case worker's cell phone number and personal names in the message you posted, as postings from this group can be turned up via Google).

Will continue to hope and pray for positive results with the pregnancy.

Senators2005 · « **Reply #34:** December 21, 2007, 08:30:03 AM »

Quote from: natsfan1a on December 21, 2007, 08:28:40 AM

That is awful! They seem to be totally clueless. I'm dismayed not only at the loss to you and to the adoptive child, but at the way that the communication was handled, or mishandled (except for the case worker -- BTW, it might be a good idea to blank out the case worker's cell phone number and personal names in the message you posted, as postings from this group can be turned up via Google).

Will continue to hope and pray for positive results with the pregnancy, of course.

Thanks natsfan1a - my head isn't on straight as you might imagine. I'll delete the number.

natsfan1a · « **Reply #35:** December 21, 2007, 08:31:17 AM »

I can only imagine how you must feel.

Quote from: Senators2005 on December 21, 2007, 08:30:03 AM

Thanks natsfan1a - my head isn't on straight as you might imagine. I'll delete the number.

Senators2005 · « **Reply #36:** December 21, 2007, 08:32:44 AM »

Quote from: natsfan1a on December 21, 2007, 08:31:17 AM

I can only imagine how you must feel.

multiply my feelings times 20. That would be my wife.

natsfan1a · « **Reply #37:** December 21, 2007, 08:34:21 AM »

And she definitely does not need the additional stress during her pregnancy. That sucks.

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #38:** December 21, 2007, 08:35:10 AM »

You may want to pull that letter off of here for reasons I PMed you about.

So so sorry for this loss!

Senators2005 · « **Reply #39:** December 21, 2007, 08:37:44 AM »

Quote from: CALSGR8 on December 21, 2007, 08:35:10 AM

You may want to pull that letter off of here for reasons I PMed you about.

So so sorry for this loss!

I removed the ICAB names...the rest should be ok. I'll delete the whole letter tommorow, I think it's important to post so people can understand fully what happened.

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #40:** December 21, 2007, 08:47:16 AM »

Yeah, I know, I just didn't want it to come back and bite you.

Senators2005 · « **Reply #41:** December 21, 2007, 08:48:15 AM »

Quote from: CALSGR8 on December 21, 2007, 08:47:16 AM

Yeah, I know, I just didn't want it to come back and bite you.

Let them bite away...can't get any worse.

natsfan1a · « **Reply #42:** December 21, 2007, 08:57:02 AM »

sens, please pass my condolences on to your wife as well.

Quote from: Senators2005 on December 21, 2007, 08:48:15 AM

Let them bite away...can't get any worse.

kimnat · « **Reply #43:** December 21, 2007, 09:11:36 AM »

That's just plain wrong! They have really set themselves up in a bad way. They should understand how this could hurt children in the Philippines, that it may hinder them from being adopted into wonderful, loving families. I cannot believe that that board is so utterly clueless. I have a burn righteous anger for you all right now. As a mother, I cannot fathom the pain you and your wife are experiencing, but what I am feeling is gutwrenching for me. I pray that they will reconsider. Would formal letters from any of us help?

Senators2005 · « **Reply #44:** December 21, 2007, 09:17:24 AM »

Quote from: kimnat on December 21, 2007, 09:11:36 AM

That's just plain wrong! They have really set themselves up in a bad way. They should understand how this could hurt children in the Philippines, that it may hinder them from being adopted into wonderful, loving families. I cannot believe that that board is so utterly clueless. I have a burn righteous anger for you all right now. As a mother, I cannot fathom the pain you and your wife are experiencing, but what I am feeling is gutwrenching for me. I pray that they will reconsider. Would formal letters from any of us help?

Kim really...it warms my heart reading the responses from all of you. We shuffle from despair to anger and then back again. The Board is the final word: there is no appeal. We only have one ace to play - we have connections with the former president (of the Philippines). It's an extreme long shot and don't expect it to work - but it's our last play and we intend to exhaust all means. Thanks everyone for your kind words.

natsfan1a · « **Reply #45:** December 21, 2007, 09:19:10 AM »

Good luck with the former pres (fingers crossed).

tomterp · « **Reply #46:** December 21, 2007, 09:20:27 AM »

Quote from: Senators2005 on December 21, 2007, 09:17:24 AM

We only have one ace to play - we have connections with the former president (of the Philippines). It's an extreme long shot and don't expect it to work - but it's our last play and we intend to exhaust all means. Thanks everyone for your kind words.

And that's why you don't want to burn bridges quite yet.

kimnat · « **Reply #47:** December 21, 2007, 09:21:07 AM »

I'll be praying for that connection to pay off! I have a family friend who's brother was a missionary w/ the SBC for many years in the Philippines. I can see if he still has any connections. The family friend was close to my parents and were named to be mine and my sister's guardians should anything happen to my parents. So, I could ask them to ask the brother.

kimnat · « **Reply #48:** December 21, 2007, 09:22:58 AM »

What about the Philippine Embassy? Would any contacts there or comments directed to their Ambassador serve any purpose?

Senators2005 · « **Reply #49:** December 21, 2007, 09:27:06 AM »

Quote from: kimnat on December 21, 2007, 09:22:58 AM

What about the Philippine Embassy? Would any contacts there or comments directed to their Ambassador serve any purpose?

Thanks for your offers Kim...but I think for all tense and purposes it's a done deal. I would imagine there are only two people on the planet that could reverse a board decision - the current President: Gloria Macapagal Arroyo or a former president might be able to twist some arms. We only have a chance at the latter. But thanks anyways.