Author Topic: DUMB JOKE  (Read 36838 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #75: January 21, 2008, 07:08:33 PM »
:lol:

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #76: January 24, 2008, 06:49:26 PM »

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #77: January 24, 2008, 07:51:48 PM »
Was that filmed in Florida, by any chance? ;)

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #78: January 25, 2008, 12:41:41 AM »
Was that filmed in Florida, by any chance? ;)
That would be NatsAddict's line :lol:
(actually filmed in Europe)

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #79: January 25, 2008, 08:34:39 AM »
Yes, it would. ;)

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #80: January 25, 2008, 10:05:14 AM »
Actually, she nailed Tuesday night when Sally & I were coming back from dinner.  There were 2 left turn lanes, she was in the one on the left, me in the right.  As we we got our left turn arrows, she decided to make a right.  Florida License, NY Plates, and no insurance.  Actually, the no insurance was a plus, because if not for that they probably would have given her the old-fart free pass instead of charging her with illegal lane change and not having insurance.

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #81: January 25, 2008, 11:53:44 AM »
Geez, hope you and Sally were okay after that!

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #82: January 25, 2008, 08:25:20 PM »
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11552
  • BE LOUD. BE PROUD. BE POSITIVE!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #83: January 25, 2008, 09:18:56 PM »
Dedicated to all you dedicated fishermen out there!   :roll: :lol:

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #84: January 25, 2008, 09:29:05 PM »
Now this is fishin'.

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11552
  • BE LOUD. BE PROUD. BE POSITIVE!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #85: January 25, 2008, 09:34:08 PM »
Sorry, can't view just yet. Still on work network.  Later dude!

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #86: January 25, 2008, 10:16:44 PM »
Whooee, son - I've never seen feesh (or feeshin') like that!  Must have been the rally caps.  :o

Now this is fishin'.

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #87: January 26, 2008, 03:34:18 PM »
I remember seeing a program on hogging on Discovery (?). Amazing, not that you'll ever find me doing it. Bugging for lobster is fun enough, and the reward is commensurate with the experience.

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #88: January 26, 2008, 04:58:34 PM »
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two
fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out
of" LOVE IT!

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in
the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir robes were donated by (and
embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The minister and his w ife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The final words of the benediction are , "Y'all come back now, Ya
hear."

__________________
 


Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #89: January 27, 2008, 04:30:12 PM »
Eight Words With Two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) ad
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #90: January 28, 2008, 05:35:57 PM »
Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they "Arrrggghhh"!!

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11552
  • BE LOUD. BE PROUD. BE POSITIVE!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #91: January 28, 2008, 06:10:44 PM »
Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they "Arrrggghhh"!!

 :roll: :lol:

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #92: January 30, 2008, 10:36:04 PM »
Signs that you might be having a bad day
 

1.  You woke up in a strange place



2.  Your new diet doesn't seem to be working


 
3.  You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise



4.  Your new hat looked better on you at the store



5.  You keep losing things



6.  You feel like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time



7.  The boss chewed you out at work




8.  You got caught in the rain at lunchtime




9.  You get no respect



10.  You feel trapped somehow...



11. Traffic on the way home was brutal



12.  You think you might be coming down with the flu



13.  You're home alone and you hear a noise in the basement


Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3717
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #93: January 30, 2008, 11:13:54 PM »
^
^    Thanks NatsAddict. These are great.

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #94: January 31, 2008, 06:30:00 AM »
Yes, those were meowvelous! :)

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11552
  • BE LOUD. BE PROUD. BE POSITIVE!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #95: January 31, 2008, 11:21:54 AM »
I like the Boss Chews you out and traffic one.

What's with that one of Bush?  Is that a doctored photo?  What the He_ _?

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #96: January 31, 2008, 11:39:12 AM »
I like the Boss Chews you out and traffic one.

What's with that one of Bush?  Is that a doctored photo?  What the He_ _?

What??? You've never heard of Cat-on-the-Cob?  A slathered in butter, lightly salted - now that's eatin'!


Then again, he may have confused the cat with a harmonica during a ho-down and wondered why he was hackin' up hairballs all night.

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11552
  • BE LOUD. BE PROUD. BE POSITIVE!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #97: January 31, 2008, 12:18:05 PM »
^^^^^^^^
| | | | | | |

Yeah, that cat's back is too straight to be held like that.

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #98: January 31, 2008, 07:08:28 PM »
Cheating Spouse....




A man thought that his wife is cheating on him. Since he didn't have a lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator, he decided to go with a much cheaper one -- a Chinese man named Mr. Lee.
The following day he received following report:
 
Most honorable sir:
 
You leave house. I watch house. he come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she.  She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see.
 
No fee,
 
Chen Lee

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #99: February 02, 2008, 09:46:02 AM »
>
> After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the
> Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but
 I'm a
> little upset because my daughter has red hair.
>
> She can't possibly be mine.' 'Nonsense,' the doctor said.
> 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your
 ancestors
> may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
>
> 'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families
 on
> both
> sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
>
> 'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have
 sex?'
> The man seemed a bit ashamed.
>
> 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made
> love once or twice every few months.'
>
> 'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently. 'It's rust.'