Author Topic: DUMB JOKE  (Read 29211 times)

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Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #100: February 02, 2008, 09:47:08 AM »
AN OLD GEEZER WENT 2 THE DR ABOUT HIS HEMORRIDS, SO THE DOCTOR GAVE SOME SUPPOSITRIES  & TOLD HIM 2 COME BACK IN A WEEK. THE GEEZER WENT BACK & THE DOCTOR ASKED HIM HOW THE SUPPOSITORIES HAD WORKED,
THE OLD GUY  SAID  DOC, THEY DIDN'T WORK AT ALL, I SHOULD HAVE JUST STUCK THEM UP MY ASS .

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11182
  • Be Loud * Be Proud * Be Positive
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #101: February 02, 2008, 09:30:58 PM »
A friend of mine sent me one of those emails with cute little pictures.  Since I haven't figured out how to get them in, Here is the text of what was sent.  Its still funny and cute  :lol:


Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized and didn't
go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church. But, only the Janitor was there.

One little Boy said, 'We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with
Us. Will You baptize Us?'
'Sure,' said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, One at a time.
Then He said, 'You are now Baptized!'.

' When they got outside, one of them asked, 'what religion do you think we are?'

The oldest one said, 'We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on You.'

'We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of You in the water.'

'We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on You.'


The littlest one said, 'didn't you smell that water!'

They all joined in asking,
'Yeah! What do You think that means?'

'I think it means
we're Pisscopailians'



Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11182
  • Be Loud * Be Proud * Be Positive
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #102: February 02, 2008, 10:18:36 PM »
LOL!!!!  eeewwwwww!

Yeah, my thoughts exactly!

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #103: February 03, 2008, 07:08:20 PM »
"Please Dear, Let Me Explain . . . "

Poor Dave works hard at the office and spends
two nights each week bowling and plays golf
every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so
for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this
club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if
he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
and says, "How did she know that you drink
Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the
golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the
first nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws
her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all
over him and says, "Hi Davey, want your usual
table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and
storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside
her.

Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper
must have mistaken him for someone else, but
his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
calling him every 4-letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave,
you picked up a real nag this time !"
 
   
 

 

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #104: February 03, 2008, 11:47:17 PM »
 

Subject: Walmart Return Policy

 

This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!! 


 
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

 
'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.   

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

 
'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' 

which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

 In a huff, the woman says,

 

'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'

 The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

now stop laughing and send it to your friends.

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #105: February 04, 2008, 06:59:20 PM »
THIS ONE IS REALLY DUMB, BUT....

AN OLD ARAB RESIDING IN THE U.S. WROTE HIS SON WHO WAS STUDYING IN FRANCE FEELING BAD THAT HE COULD NOT PLANT HIS POTATOES BECAUSE THE YARD WAS TOO BIG AND HE WAS SHOWING HIS AGE. HIS SON REPLIED HE WAS SORRY HE COULD NOT HELP FROM FRANCE BUT TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS OK SINCE HIS "STUFF " WAS HIDDEN THERE. NEXT MORNING THE FBI, THE PENTAGON POLICE AND THE SECRET SERVICE TORE UP HIS YARD LOOKING FOR BOMB MAKING MATERIAL. LATER IN THE DAY THE SON WROTE HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT NOW IT WOULD BE EASY TO PLANT HIS POTATOES.

GROAN!

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #106: February 07, 2008, 08:22:45 PM »
BLONDE JOKES

>
>
>
> THE PULLOVER JOKE IS FUNNY...........
>
> BLONDE LOGIC 
>
>    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,
 and
> one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
> Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says
 'Helloooooooooo,
> can you see Florida ?????'

> CAR TROUBLE
>
>
>
>   A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
 it
> died.
>    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
>    She says, 'What's the story?'
>    He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
>    She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

> SPEEDING TICKET 
>
>
>
>   A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
 nicely
> if he could see her license.
>    She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act
 together.
> Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
 to
> show it to you!'
>
> RIVER WALK
>
>
>
>   There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
> another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can
 I
> get to the other side?'
>    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
 shouts
> back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

> AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
>
>
>
>   A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
 that
> her body
> hurt wherever she touched it.
>    'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
> The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and
 screamed,
> then she 
> pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
> screamed;
> likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
 made
> her
> scream.
>    The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 
>    'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
>    'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

> KNITTING
>
>
>
>   A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
> Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
 the
> wheel was knitting!
>    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
> the trooper 
> cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL
 OVER!'
>    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

> BLONDE ON THE SUN
>
>
>
>   A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
 Russian
> said, 'We were the first in space!'
>    The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' 
>    The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the
 sun!'
>    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
> heads.  'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said
 the
> Russian.
>    To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're
 going
> at night!'

> IN A VACUUM
>
>
>    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
 She
> rolled the  dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question
 was,
> 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear
 it?' 
>    She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

> FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!< /FONT>
>
>
>
>    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
 dogs,
> and asked
> her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
 was
> named
> Rolex and one was named Timex. 
>    Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3645
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #107: February 07, 2008, 08:25:58 PM »
Come on NoSpin, where's the end of the "Blonde Joke to end all blonde jokes"???

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #108: February 07, 2008, 08:41:11 PM »
I THINK IT WILL BE WHEN THE LORD SHUT US ALL DOWN.

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #109: February 07, 2008, 09:12:34 PM »
Allow me: :lol:

ROLEX & TIMEX...
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying one was named Rolex and the other Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde, They are watch dogs!"

Come on NoSpin, where's the end of the "Blonde Joke to end all blonde jokes"???

Online ronnynat

  • Posts: 23222
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #110: February 07, 2008, 09:17:46 PM »
UPS Gripes Sheets


Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly
A plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called
a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form,
and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way,
UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Maintenance: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Maintenance: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in ****pit
Maintenance: Something tightened in ****pit

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Maintenance: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
Maintenance: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Maintenance: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Maintenance: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Maintenance: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Maintenance: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Maintenance: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Maintenance: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Maintenance: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Maintenance: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in ****pit.
Maintenance: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Maintenance: Took hammer away from midget

:rofl: This just totally made my day

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #111: February 07, 2008, 09:31:30 PM »
BLONDE JOKES

As Wolf Blitzer would say, "Are you taking a swipe at Hillary???!!!"

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #112: February 07, 2008, 10:17:30 PM »
That *was* funny. :lol:

:rofl: This just totally made my day

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3645
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #113: February 08, 2008, 03:46:51 PM »
:rofl: This just totally made my day

Ahhh, an oldie but a goodie. I loved it too. I think I had forwarded to my whole contacts list. :)

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE////TWO NUNS
« Reply #114: February 10, 2008, 10:22:39 PM »
>
> There were two nuns...
>
> One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,
>
> and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .
>
> It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
>
> SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
> thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
>
> SL: It's logical. He wants to attack  us.
>
> SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!
 What
> can we do?
>
> SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
>
> SM: It's not working.
>
> SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
 He
> started to walk faster, too.
>
> SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
 minute.
>
> SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
 I'll go
> this way. He cannot follow us both.
>
> So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
>
>
>
> Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
> worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .
>
> Then Sister Logical arrives.
>
> SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here!
> Tell me what happened!
>
> SL : The only logical thing happened.
> The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
>
> SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?
>
> SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I
 could
> and he started to run as fast as he could.
>
> SM : And?
>
> SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me
>
> SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
>
> SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
>
> SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
>
> SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
>
>
>
> SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
>
> SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?
> A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down .
 
>
>  And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
>
>
> I'll pray for you!

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11182
  • Be Loud * Be Proud * Be Positive
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #115: February 11, 2008, 08:44:47 AM »
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost . Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in trouble now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story...


Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullcrap and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #116: February 11, 2008, 10:01:43 AM »
Treacherous is a good adjective for them.  The old farts are having a banner year with me this year.  A couple weeks ago, one attempted a right from the leftmost of two left turn lanes and nailed me.  While my car was in the shop, I had a Toyota Rav 4 rental.  While I was in the grocery store, it was involved in a five-car pile-up in the parking lot.  I honestly think these old farts high-five and cheer one another when they get back to Century Village and brag about the accidents they cause.  I'm convinced they have a big HDTV electronic scoreboard on the wall to keep track, and right now Ira's kickin' a$$.

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #117: February 11, 2008, 02:08:36 PM »
:lol:  LOLOL!!!!  Those "old farts" really have your number right now!  :)

Yesterday, one of them drove through a nail salon and put three people in the hospital.  I think that's five new drive-through businesses we have now that were not drive through when the snow birds came down.  We also had one house that new owners only had two weeks before its had a garage in its living room, and another crash into some town homes, burning six of them to the ground.  I guess were up around 20 or so that have used canals for a car wash, and maybe a half dozen crash into school buses (fortunately only one that seriously injured a kid).   Some of these people drive 400 or 500 feet through a field and don't realize they aren't on a road, and then wonder where all the water comes from when they drive into a canal.  They probably think it is a radiator leak.

Things aren't all bad.  I haven't been outside since lunch, but last I checked my mailbox was still standing!

Offline NatsAddict

  • Posts: 4095
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #118: February 11, 2008, 03:07:13 PM »
Quote
3'-By-4' Plot Of Green Space Rejuvenates Neighborhood
February 11, 2008 | Issue 44•07   

DETROIT—Notorious for its abandoned buildings, industrial warehouses, and gray, dilapidated roads, Detroit's Warrendale neighborhood was miraculously revitalized this week by the installation of a single, three-by-four-foot plot of green space.

The green space, a rectangular patch of crabgrass located on a busy median divider, has by all accounts turned what was once a rundown community into a thriving, picturesque oasis, filled with charming shops, luxury condominiums, and, for the first time ever, hope.
(Image removed from quote.)
The Johansens, who just moved to Warrendale,
enjoy some outdoor time.


"What we've seen here is amazing," Warrendale Beautification Committee chairman Michael Pulowski said of the $150 city-funded initiative. "Not only do residents feel better about themselves, but our streets are now totally safe, employment is up, and our children's test scores are through the roof. It's hard to believe this is even the same neighborhood anymore."

Warrendale's incredible transformation began early Monday morning when city officials laid down the yard-wide strip of sod. Two days later, dozens of boarded-up businesses were suddenly bustling with customers, and streets once littered with hypodermic needles were instead plastered with colorful murals.

"It all happened so quickly," said resident Jeffrey Huza, who watched the sliver of lawn single-handedly attract tourism, reduce air pollution, and bring a sense of peace and tranquility to the area. "I always knew a little green would do our neighborhood good, but I never thought we'd benefit this much."

"I used to sit all day in the old tire yard getting high with no prospects for any kind of future," Huza continued. "But now that tire yard is a library."

Besides giving children a safe place to play—provided they do so one at a time—the revitalizing green space has also transformed the lives of numerous Warrendale adults.

The ideal spot for short evening strolls, relaxing upright reading, and weekend picnics that don't exceed 12 square feet in total area, the new park has completely changed how many feel about their neighborhood.

In fact, dozens of residents who had given up on this once violent and moribund urban wasteland almost as completely as they'd given up on life itself, have recently chosen to put down roots and start families.

"Sitting in the middle of the park, it's like all of the troubles of city life just melt away," said homeowner Samantha Hodge, who every day gazes at the narrow green space between two lanes of traffic and is filled instantly with calm. "A week ago, I was ready to call it quits and never come back. Nowadays, I couldn't imagine living anywhere else."

(Image removed from quote.)
The green space's impact is evident in
Warrendale's sudden, overnight transformation
from complete sh!thole (above) to a charming
and desirable place to live (below).


Local events, including a Shakespeare in the Park production of Romeo And Juliet, a breast cancer–awareness march, an outdoor concert by the London Symphony Orchestra, and a Fourth of July fireworks display are reportedly also scheduled to take place in the new green space.

The towel-sized band of topsoil—to be dedicated as "Warrendale Park" as soon as enough room is found on its grounds to erect a sign—has brought back more than a sense of community. It has also brought back the sound of laughter.

"I didn't recognize it at first, it had been so long since I'd heard it," said Howard Cochrane, a lifelong resident. "But there it was, ringing out like sunshine from that Heller boy who lives down the way. To see him roll his ball back and forth over the same five inches of grass—it filled my tired heart with joy."

Despite the overwhelmingly positive influence of this simple patch of lawn, a number of Warrendale residents have come to regard its popularity as a double-edged sword.

"Everywhere I look now, well-dressed moms are pushing babies in designer strollers, high-end coffee shops are opening their doors, and fancy galleries are replacing old neighborhood bars," said mechanic Kevin Miles, who was evicted from his tenement apartment after his rent tripled almost overnight. "I used to know everyone who lived here, but now it seems like half the people are college kids or vacationing Europeans."

Added Miles, "I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the old decrepit Warrendale."

America's Finest News Source

Offline nospinzone1

  • Posts: 3083
Re: DUMB JOKE//////walmart's doctor machine
« Reply #119: February 11, 2008, 09:31:41 PM »
Joe says to Mike, 'My elbow hurts like
>> hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of
>> money,' Mike replies.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'There's a diagnostic computer down at
>> Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
>>
>>
>> sample and the computer will tell you what's
>> wrong and what to do
>>
>>
>> about it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> It takes ten sec onds and costs ten dollars . .
>> . A lot cheaper than a doctor.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar
>> and takes it to Wal-Mart.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> He deposits ten dollars, and the computer
>> lights up and asks for the
>>
>>
>> urine sample. He pours the sample into the
>> slot and waits.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a
>> printout:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
>> water and avoid heavy
>>
>>
>> activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank
>> you for shopping at
>>
>>
>> Wal-Mart'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> That evening, while thinking how amazing this
>> new technology was, Joe
>>
>>
>> began wondering if the computer could be
>> fooled.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from
>> his dog, urine samples
>>
>>
>> from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample
>> for good measure.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check
>> the results. He deposits
>>
>>
>> ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and
>> awaits the results.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The computer prints the following:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 1. Your t ap water is too hard. Get a water
>> softener. (Aisle 9)
>>
>>
>> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
>> anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
>>
>>
>> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her
>> into rehab.
>>
>>
>> 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't
>> yours. Get a lawyer.
>>
>>
>> 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself,
>> your elbow will never get better.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ---------------------------------
>> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo

Offline 2IPAs

  • Posts: 920
  • Barbie luvs the Nationals!
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #120: February 14, 2008, 07:20:56 AM »
The "Not My Job" Award...

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline natsfan1a

  • Posts: 6512
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #121: February 14, 2008, 08:47:19 AM »

Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3645
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #122: February 15, 2008, 12:00:47 AM »
This one slayed me!

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he
suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a
toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those
Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have:
Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95,
Ballerina Barbie For $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95,
Skater Barbie for $19.95, and
Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?!
Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain
made with Ken's testicles.

Offline CALSGR8

  • Posts: 11182
  • Be Loud * Be Proud * Be Positive
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #123: February 15, 2008, 12:04:20 AM »
Along those same lines:

http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/cartoons_208.shtml



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Offline saltydad

  • Posts: 3645
Re: DUMB JOKE
« Reply #124: February 15, 2008, 12:25:40 AM »
These caused a chuckle.

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