Author Topic: Barves: Knights Templar of Unwritten Rules and gutless anti-American douche bags  (Read 53425 times)

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Offline Kevrock

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I figured there would be a general thread about how douchey the Braves are, but I couldn't find one. I'm sure JCA will move this somewhere, although my thread title is going to be better than wherever it's moved.

Anyway, this article by Grantland is great.

The Los Angeles Dodgers did America a favor this week by dispatching the Atlanta Braves in four games. At some point this season, the Braves reached the conclusion that they were the Knights Templar of baseball's sacred Unwritten Rules. This led to a brawl when Miami pitcher Jose Fernandez made the unforgivable mistake of enjoying his first career home run, and another when Milwaukee's Carlos Gomez took a leisurely stroll around the bases after a home run against Paul Maholm, who'd plunked Gomez earlier in the season.

But absolute power to enforce the Unwritten Rules corrupts absolutely, which is how it came to pass that before Game 1 of the NLDS, Chipper Jones threw out the first pitch to the mascot, because no Brave would catch Jones's toss after the future Hall of Famer had the audacity to predict on the radio that the Braves would lose the NLDS in four games. In their zeal for baseball purity, the Braves overlooked one of the Unwritten Rules of common sense: You don't snub a franchise legend1 over petty bullcrap. And now few people, least of all their franchise legend, are shedding tears over the Braves losing the NLDS. In four games. The only shame is that the Dodgers didn't clinch in Atlanta, which would have allowed them to dig a hole in the ground in center field, fill it with water, and jump in.

The Dodgers are a 1 percenter's wet dream of a franchise, a team that bought its way to a talented roster with the highest payroll in the history of American professional sports. But one of the notable aspects of American society is that when asked to choose between plutocrats on one side and dour moralizers on the other, Americans will choose the plutocrats every time. Most of us aspire to be rich; very few of us aspire to be douche bags.

4/9/14 Update:

The Barves also hate America.

6/13/14 Update:

Barves are still gutless enforces of rules that don't exist.

"Boy, look at Walt. Still screaming at the gutless Chris Carpenter."

:lmao: :lmao:

Update 2/2015:

Barves are Sandy Hook truthers