Author Topic: Jokes, Puns,Knock-Knocks, Humorous Stories for Amusement in the Off-Season  (Read 5420 times)

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Offline 2IPAs

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1.  The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
          He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2.    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
           but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

   3.    She was only a whiskey maker,
              but he loved her still.

   4.    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
               because it was a weapon of math disruption.

   5.    No matter how much you push the envelope,
             it'll still be stationery.

   6.    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
           and was cited for littering.

   7.    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
               in Linoleum  Blownapart.

   8.    Two silk worms had a race.
              They ended up in a tie.

   9.    A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
             The police are looking into it.

  10.    Time flies like an arrow.
               Fruit flies like a banana.

  11.    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12.    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
               One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  13.    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
              Then it hit me.

  14.    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
              'Keep off the Grass.'

  15.    The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
              a small medium at large.

  16.    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
              is now a seasoned veteran.

  17.    A backward poet writes inverse.

  18.    In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
           In feudalism it's your count  that votes.

  19.    When cannibals ate a missionary,
              they got a taste of religion.

  20.    If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
             you'd be in Seine .

  21.    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
          raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
               'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger..'

  22.    Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
              One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

  23.    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
           lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
          can't have your kayak and heat it too.

  24.    Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my
            electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?'
            The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  25.    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
          during a root  canal?
          His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26.    There was the person who sent ten puns to ten friends,
            with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
                No pun in ten did.