Author Topic: Jokes, Puns,Knock-Knocks, Humorous Stories for Amusement in the Off-Season  (Read 6436 times)

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Online 1995hoo

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How many wahoos does it take to change a flat?

Two - one to mix the drinks, while the other one calls daddy.       :mg:

A Virginia fan is driving north on a two-lane road. At the same time, a Maryland fan is driving south on the same road. As they approach each other, they both encounter deer crossing the road and they swerve to avoid them. Unfortunately, they crash into each other in doing so. Both cars are utterly mangled.

The Virginia fan gets out of his car first and finds that he is miraculously unhurt. "I can't believe I survived this," he mumbles. Then the Maryland fan gets out of his car and he is also amazed that he survived.

The Virginia fan says to the Maryland fan," I think we probably ought to view this accident as a sign from God that we ought to put aside our silly rivalries and live as friends." The Maryland fan thinks about it for a minute and says, "I think you're right. Clearly our surviving is a message."

Then the Virginia fan says, "Let's see if anything else in the cars survived this accident." He starts rummaging around in the remains of his car and finds that, somehow, a full unopened bottle of bourbon survived the crash. He walks over to the Maryland fan and says, "Look at this. I can't believe this bottle didn't shatter. Clearly God is telling us to toast to our newfound friendship with this bottle of bourbon."

The Maryland fan thinks this is a fine idea (and who wouldn't need a drink after a big car crash?). The Virginia fan says, "Proper friendship says that the host goes last. Since it's my bottle of bourbon, you may have the first drink."

So the Maryland fan grabs the bottle and starts guzzling down bourbon like Bluto in Animal House. After he's consumed about half the bottle, he hands it back and says, "OK, your turn."

The Virginia fan pauses......he looks at the bottle.....then he looks at the Maryland fan.....then he looks at the bottle again.....and he pauses a little longer.....

.....and then he puts the stopper back in the bottle and says, "Nahhhh, that's OK, I think I'll just wait for the cops to arrive."