Dear Mike Rizzo,
You seem to be a competent G.M. You're a fair, even-handed guy. You're at least better than that Bowden guy.
With all of this said, you seem to be the last person to realize that half of your bullpen sucks. These guys are just abject losers.
So could you please call up Erik Arnesen, Drew Storen, and Doug Slaten? They should replace Miguel Batista, Tyler Walker, and Brian Bruney.
I would appreciate this ever so much and will probably be more likely to attend games out of lack of fear.
Yours in Strasburg,