Blood Alley. When a ring of Mexican coke dealers infiltrates the Ohio Amish country, slick, emotionless FBI agent Traynor (Keanu Reeves) must partner up with the violently alcoholic local deputy, McHart (Nicolas Cage), to stop the threat. They lay a trap for the local gang leader, Señor Gambas (Danny Trejo), but instead mistakenly capture his idiot stepbrother, Choco (James Roday). McHart and Traynor interrogate Choco endlessly but to no avail, so McHart inserts himself in the gang undercover in the hopes of busting the outfit. Things spin out of control when McHart learns that Traynor is banging his wife Stephanie (Summer Glau).
Spoiler alert: Summer Glau is actually the ringleader of the coke dealers. One night when Keanu Reeves comes over to bang her, after an explicit scene in which we see Keanu's orgasm face (which is the same as his normal face), she stabs him with something enormous and unwieldy, like a rifle bayonet or a walrus tusk. Nicolas Cage returns home, shouts hysterically, murders her, and goes on a psychotic rampage, running Amish carriages off the road and decapitating Danny Trejo in a biker bar. In the final scene, we see the retarded James Roday struggling with his new responsibility as leader of the gang, attempting to pull off his first big delivery.
The John Wayne movie?
Also, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is remarkably watchable except
when the freaking gorilla jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge into a helicopter .
