Song..Most likely needs to be twirked or most likely deleted

[LeonidasNats311]

I would like to know what people think of this. My thoughts are that it is terrible and should be deleted. Thanks for any opinions i receive.

My life took a turn for a better
Two years ago to the day
When I met this girl
That begin to run through my head
There is no words that describe the feeling I get
When I talk to her every day

I wish we lived closer
We wouldn’t be apart
I would love to have her by my side
As we mature and grow older
 
She is the reason
I get up each and every day
She continues to take my breath away
I would love to go catch a sunset with her
Or go with her on a nature tour
She is the greatest girl I know
I would help her get around when it snows

I would drop everything I was doing
To spend some alone time with her
I would go meet her no matter what
If I had to miss a family’s birthday
She gets the best of me
And I wouldn’t have it any other way

I wish we lived closer
So we wouldn’t be apart
I would love to have her by my side
As we mature and grow older

She is one of the few
That I will always be there for
I will be there any time of the day
I would love to be the one that tucks her in at night
When she is upset and needs someone by her side
I will always be there to fill her with pride

I would love to spend the rest of my life
With her in my life
I want to be the one she will tell
Her deepest secrets thoughts
I Love this girl with all my heart

[2k6nats]

Did you write this?  It's a nice song, maybe some tweaks here and there, but that's awesome.

[LeonidasNats311]

Yes I wrote it. Out of curiousity which parts do you think need tweaking?

Did you write this?  It's a nice song, maybe some tweaks here and there, but that's awesome.

[2k6nats]

I met a girl that changed my world
Two years ago to this day
She's the apple of my eye
I never want to say goodbye

I wish we lived closer
We would never be apart
I would love to have her by my side
This I know in my heart
 
She's the reason I get up each day
She continues to take my breath away
She's the only one for me, I say

I would drop everything I was doing
To spend some time with her
I would go meet her no matter what
If I had to miss my own birthday
She gets the best of me
And I wouldn’t have it any other way

I wish we lived so much closer
So I could always come over
I would love to have her by my side
Every day for the rest of my life

She is one of the few people
That I will always be there for
For the rest of my life, and then more
When she is upset and needs someone by her side
I will always be there to fill her with pride

I couldn't imagine the rest of my life
With her always by my side
I'll be there for here to confide in
With all the things she finds herself in

I love this girl with all my heart

_______________

That's my version, just tweaked and added some things.  Hope it helps.

Now, I must ask: are you popping the question by singing this song?  Or something to that effect?

[LeonidasNats311]

No I am not popping the question as I am only 18. I just wrote it because me and her have been through thick and thin and just wanted to show her how much she meant to me. Thanks for switchin it up a bit!

[natsfan1a]

It's very nice! Since you asked, maybe you could tweak the fourth line of the first verse to clarify as to what begin (or "began"?) to run through your head. Your friend? Or words? Other than that, I wouldn't change it. It's lovely and personal and I would suspect that she'll like it just fine and be touched that you wrote it especially for her.

Is she on the West Coast, if I may ask? As a one-time California gal who is still not fond of driving in the stuff, the helping her get through snow part made me wonder.

[kimnat]

Awwwww, that's so sweet!!!!

[LeonidasNats311]

It's very nice! Since you asked, maybe you could tweak the fourth line of the first verse to clarify as to what begin (or "began"?) to run through your head. Your friend? Or words? Other than that, I wouldn't change it. It's lovely and personal and I would suspect that she'll like it just fine and be touched that you wrote it especially for her.

Is she on the West Coast, if I may ask? As a one-time California gal who is still not fond of driving in the stuff, the helping her get through snow part made me wonder.

Yes that would be good advice to change "begin" to "began" and no she isn't on the West Coast she just doesnt like the snow.

[natsfan1a]

I can't blame her on the snow, as I don't care for it either.

Yes that would be good advice to change "begin" to "began" and no she isn't on the West Coast she just doesnt like the snow.

[LeonidasNats311]

The feedback between two different messageboards can be so dramatic. On here alot of you seem like you like it and on the redskins messageboard I am getting alot of negative feedback as well as I am "girl whipped" and a "*****" for writing the lyrics. Thanks to everyone on here for not saying I'm "whipped" or anything like that. 

[natsfan1a]

Yikes! I've never been on that message board but it doesn't sound like a useful resource for constructive feedback. I'd be inclined to disregard what they say about the lyrics given the sample comments that you've posted here.

[LeonidasNats311]

Yikes! I've never been on that message board but it doesn't sound like a useful resource for constructive feedback. I'd be inclined to disregard what they say about the lyrics given the sample comments that you've posted here.

Yea I havent been offended by what they had to say. This board seems more friendly anyways. I am most likely leaving the skins board and becoming a frequent user on here.

[kimnat]

We're much nicer!!! 

[LeonidasNats311]

We're much nicer!!! 

Yea, their mindset seems to be if your a teenager they dont care what you have to say.

[natsfan1a]

Well then, they are very unenlightened.

Yea, their mindset seems to be if your a teenager they dont care what you have to say.

[LeonidasNats311]

If that was a compliment nastfan then thanks 

[natsfan1a]

Yes, it was, and you're welcome.

If that was a compliment nastfan then thanks 

[LeonidasNats311]

Oh thanks! but I am getting off here to go play some guitar.

Yes, it was, and you're welcome.