They make gel seats? 
Gel padded. The seats with the cutouts are better but are quite narrow and more for racing and not comfort. Brooks saddles, while expensive, don't have any of the hard support structure of normal seats. You have to break them in, but they're much more forgiving than the hard seats.
I'd think hipster
Well, it's green or tan and I'd rather not go tan. You hate cyclists anyway so I'm not sure why it would matter.
