Author Topic: DUMB JOKE (Read 48273 times)

Did y'all read the blurb this morning at Foxnews.com about some idiot who needed surgery to remove 16 washers from his "nether region"? Idiot musta put them on there in a drunken stupor. I mean what kind of numbskull does that?

I was going to ask, but on review, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

NatsAddict · « **Reply #257:** June 02, 2008, 10:19:12 AM »

Quote from: kimnat on June 02, 2008, 09:17:13 AM

Did y'all read the blurb this morning at Foxnews.com about some idiot who needed surgery to remove 16 washers from his "nether region"? Idiot musta put them on there in a drunken stupor. I mean what kind of numbskull does that?

I had to go check; I figured it may be Marlins President David Samson. It sounds like something he would do to get his jollies. Alas, it was not:

Quote

Surgeons Remove 16 Steel Washers From Man's 'Nether Region'
Monday, June 02, 2008
The Daily Telegraph

Hazardous Hardware?
An Australian man was operated on in Hornsby Hospital in Berowra Sunday where surgeons removed 16 stainless steel washers from "down under," The Daily Telegraph reports.

Berowra Fire Rescue officers were called to alleviate the man from his awkward predicament at 3 a.m. Berowra is a suburb of northern Sydney in the state of New South Wales, Australia.

It was not clear how the man's situation arose.

Fire rescue officers spent more than an hour unsuccessfully attempting to remove the washers, before the man was taken into an operating room about 4.30 a.m.

Surgeons took about 90 minutes to remove the washers using fire brigade equipment.

A hospital spokesman said equipment normally used to remove rings from fingers was ineffective because of the thicker nature of the washers.

The man was in a satisfactory condition.

It is believed the only lasting damage may be to his pride.

Fox News

blue911 · « **Reply #258:** June 02, 2008, 10:25:11 AM »

Quote

using fire brigade equipment.

Does this mean they used the Jaws of Life on this tallywhacker?

blue911 · « **Reply #259:** June 02, 2008, 10:40:06 AM »

Quote from: The Chief on June 02, 2008, 09:18:25 AM

I was going to ask, but on review, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

I was thinking it goes like this.

"Me 'n Bubba was fixin' that old gate when I realized I wuz wearin my church pants. So I tookem off so as they wouldn't get dirty but then I noticed I didn't have anywhere to put them warshers so I..."

Then I saw they were Aussies and figured it was probably a drinking game.

saltydad · « **Reply #260:** June 02, 2008, 01:52:02 PM »

Quote from: kimnat on June 02, 2008, 09:17:13 AM

Did y'all read the blurb this morning at Foxnews.com about some idiot who needed surgery to remove 16 washers from his "nether region"? Idiot musta put them on there in a drunken stupor. I mean what kind of numbskull does that?

He probably just was trying to tighten up his "nuts".

NatsAddict · « **Reply #261:** June 02, 2008, 05:14:48 PM »

This one is for everyone who...
a) has kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,
'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'
pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,
'What happened to my booger?'

BBQ · « **Reply #262:** June 02, 2008, 05:16:30 PM »

NatsAddict · « **Reply #263:** June 02, 2008, 05:53:25 PM »

Quote from: kimnat on June 02, 2008, 05:31:57 PM

eewwwww! Typical kid! Was it juicy or crusty?

Glad to say it wasn't Emily. It was an e-mail I received. However, Emily did often think of me as a great big kleenez. Actually, she still does. After getting out of the pool following her heats, she always wipes her face on sleeve even as I wrap her up in a towel.

NatsAddict · « **Reply #264:** June 19, 2008, 09:19:59 PM »

THE HAIRDRYER

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside
her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course my child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's
birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs
for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

The priest answered: 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I
will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Fat her, no one will question you'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to
declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.' Next!

saltydad · « **Reply #265:** June 21, 2008, 08:44:32 PM »

Excellent...forwarded.

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #266:** June 22, 2008, 02:16:15 PM »

Actually, once when traveling I got a second glance from a TSA person when my hair dryer went thru the xray. You see it was kind of gun shaped. Most hair dryers all. But you could remove the dryer part from the handle and attach a curling iron. It came in a neat little case where all parts were separated into their own shaped compartments. The girl looking at the xray's eyes got big

and she pointed it out to the more experienced guy. Something to the extent of "its a hairdryer" was said.

She asked me. Is it a hair dryer? I said yeah, want to see? She said no, and I went through!

I guess it looked like a gun and silencer or something. I guess she and I have watched to many movies where the bad guy has suitcase compartments in it and the he puts the gun together.

Yeah right! I always carry a gun and silencer in my carry on bag (like a shopping bag).

It was a number of years ago. I can laugh about it now!

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #267:** July 07, 2008, 01:53:31 AM »

today's In The Bleachers:

saltydad · « **Reply #268:** July 31, 2008, 07:12:56 PM »

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Ali the Baseball Cat · « **Reply #269:** July 31, 2008, 10:54:16 PM »

I thought he died in ghostbusters...

Quote from: saltydad on July 31, 2008, 07:12:56 PM

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

saltydad · « **Reply #270:** August 01, 2008, 06:50:26 PM »

Subject: A Kentucky Redneck

A Redneck from Kentucky walked into a bank in NewYork City and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was in New York on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Kentucky Redneck replied, 'Where else in New York City, can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #271:** August 02, 2008, 02:02:41 PM »

HMMM. Can't think of a team that desperate!

saltydad · « **Reply #272:** August 13, 2008, 04:24:00 PM »

The GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY is now in the planning stages; the Library will include:

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has yet been able to find.

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.

The Tax Cut Room, with entry restricted only to the wealthy.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.

The Iraq War Room -- after you complete your first tour, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.

The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty, but very warm.

The Supreme Court Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws

Additionally, the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate the President's accomplishments.

CALSGR8 · « **Reply #273:** August 13, 2008, 04:29:59 PM »

GOOD ONE SALTY!

saltydad · « **Reply #274:** August 20, 2008, 12:50:59 PM »

http://www.videofixit.net/view/254/man-robs-store-with-palm-tree-i-think-his-name-is-jason/