"Here Washington, DC - Here is your team after 33 years. Here is a fast start to get you excited. NOW TAKE THIS!!!!!!!! AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOW TRY THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you like your team now, Punks?"
Why do I feel like some higher being all rolled up into one big image of a mixture of Peter Gammons, Buster Olney, Jayson Stark, John Kruk, Peter Angelos, and Bud Selig are looking down and laughing their asses off at us?